Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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