Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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