I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
