Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize