No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize