I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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