can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
