The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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