I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize