i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize