drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
