And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
