My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize