i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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