she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
