Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The Olympian is in my bed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
