how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
