No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
