you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
