weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i think i just lost a toe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
