i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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