Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
