Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
