i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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