wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
