Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
