Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
