pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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