Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
