I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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