you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
