nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
