We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
