Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
