Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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