all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
