i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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