Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
