saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
