If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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