in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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