some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
