There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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