i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize