My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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