R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i came on her dog
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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