Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we made out on top of his cat.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
