i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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