Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I touched a dick in church today
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
