i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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