I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
