the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
