dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
