Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize