I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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