Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
