sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
