The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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