Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
