i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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