He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
