i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
