you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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