it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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