It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
