I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize