also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
