Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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