Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
