I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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