when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
