Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
