i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
