I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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