im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
