Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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