well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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