big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
