Nicole vs. Life
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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