my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
