i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
