I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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