are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
