just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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