I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
