You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
