paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
