hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
