I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
