The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
