oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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