I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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