I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
