I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
