I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
