Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
