Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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