TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
