So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
